Memories relived

Memories sweet and sad

The Haunting Cry Of A Time To Come

HWhile searching for some document that went missing, which is the uncanny ability that documents have, espescially if they are important ones, I came across a poem that I had written. By the handwriting I estimate my age to be around 13 or 14. I, at present have no recollection of ever having written it or why I wrote it. But there must have been some sense of deja vu, to so aptly put then what I am experiencing now. As i read it now, I itch to fine tune it, to tweak it. But, I am leaving it as is, the innocence of a child who probably at the time struggled to pen what she was feeling, because of the sheer weight of the emotions.

How wonderful life is when one is happy,

How sorrowful when one is sad.

The pain, the anguish, the hurt and the sorrow

Know no bounds at all.

Hurt and scarred as I am

Life no longer scares me

No longer am i terrified of living it

And no longer will I be scared of living it my way.

But then at times my mind wonders

Why is it that I should suffer?

Why should all this pain be inflicted on me?

Why should I be filled with all this pain?

I am but a little girl

A lamb in the land of wolves,

A lamb who is lost

And has none to look for her.

Unprotected as I am I survived

Inexperienced as I was I learned the ways of life

A woman in a child's body

With knowledge needed to face all.

Then at times insecurity and doubt creeps in

What if I am wrong?

Was it too late that I began to understand

Was it too late that I realised I was being used

People who smiled were becoming strangers

I knew them, yet they were unknown

Love was what I needed

Hurt and sorrow was what I got.

I am still a child, though I have grown

Trying to get what I have never known

What is it like to act as a child?

Asks one who has never been held

What is it like to feel secure?

Asks one who is so insecure

What is it like to be loved?

Asks one who has never been loved

Uncles and brothers I have many

Alas! None that loves me though

Aunts and sisters are plenty,

Hurt and sorrow they give

Is it difficult to love?

When our hearts are filled with it

Is it difficult to share?

When all have plenty?

Why then does no one love?

Why then does no one share?

Does this little child have to starve

For food only love can fill

Nancy Abraham

LIMITS

Marina Abramovic, a Serbian Artist, born in 1946 was very well-known performance artist. Her most radical and thought provoking work of art was in 1974, The Rhythm 0. She decided to test the tolerance level of the body. What she really learnt with the experiment is that the body has limitless tolerance level, because it is the mind that controls it. In her words, “It’s not about the body; it’s the mind who will push you to the limits that you could never imagine.”  

Her desire was to learn more about the actions of human beings if they had the freedom to do as they 

wished without fear of consequence. She gave them freedom without condition to do whatever they desired for 6 hours and she would take whole responsibility of their actions, while she stood passively. She decided to stand continuously for 6 hours without mobility and allowed the public to do what they wanted. On a table next to her she placed 72 objects which included many tools including a knife, a pistol with a single bullet, and flowers. The initial reaction was peaceful; the people contented themselves by standing near her and watching her. But this did not last for long, after a while the public became more aggressive. They wrote vile words on her body, put flowers in her hand, kissed her, touched her. Then the aggressiveness increased, they tore her clothes, stuck rose petals on her breasts, took photographs of her in the nude and made her hold them, one even put a gun to her head, but someone intervened and took the gun from him. Having completed the committed 6 hours, Marina moved without taking any hostile reaction toward the people. Yet, the people began to flee when Marina started walking, fearing some form of repercussion. 

This experience proved to the Marina that people no matter what race,  age or backgrounds are capable of heinous acts, provided the opportunity without fear of retaliation arises . Don't give people greater freedom than they deserve!  

We do this every day in our lives. We end up giving others the opportunity to bend us according to their will. We do not set boundaries and this makes us be taken for granted. Often we do this without realising   it, initially bending a bit, letting go of some trifle matter for the sake of peace, or because our consideration and regard for the person overweighs the desire to resist. But gradually the bending reaches breaking stage, and you can bend no more. At times you have bent so much, you break. Till every day you plod along, somehow dragging one day to the next and the next, till someday along the way you realise that you have lost yourself. Life that was once clear and seemed full of hope, becomes vague and fuzzy, disillusioned. 

If Marina had at least retaliated or shown she was capable of retaliation, she probably would not have been deviled to the extent that she was. Her exploitation (for want of a better word) was more physical. But as she learnt, our minds have great capacity for tolerance. It can push us to great limits. But for each individual there will be a breaking point. The wiser know exactly what that boundary is and are saved from being completely broken. 

Whereas, those who constantly put others ahead of themselves push those limits more than the wiser, the mind often thinking the body can handle it, till both mind and body break.