Difference

The golden words

Advice and preaching

Friendship

Smile or sorrow

Life's lessons

What are you?

Opportunities

Heart and desire

Limited in life

Reach for the stars

Must have auto reply #2

My life my business

The power of you

Distance

Experience life

Expectations

Relationships

Limitless opportunities

And the day begins with a question!

Weekends and holidays in the Mathews household is known for early rising. On school days, mornings here, as with other normal households, is a test of patience, where everything from wake up calls to bathroom routines start with polite calling, cajoling, begging, pleading and finally ends with screams, shouts and threats of dire bodily harm, even possibility of dismemberment before there is any indication of even leaving the bed. But on weekends, it's like the Mathews household is transported to a different land altogether like the Land of Topsy Turvy in Enid Blyton books, where there is a definite role reversal, wake up call routine is the same of course, starts with polite calling, cajoling, begging but ends at pleading. This is so because from screaming to the right of bodily harm and threats of dismemberment rest solely with the parents. The Law of Parenthood clearly state that children do not have the right to threaten or cause bodily harm or dismemberment to parents. (We parents, as the rule makers of course, have the right to amend, modify or even rewrite the rules as we plod blindly along the long and treacherous path of parenthood.) 

As there happened to be a digression from the norm on this particular day, noting the date, so that its preserved for posterity, 15th November, 2014, a day when, unlike the norm on weekends started not at the usual 5 AM, but at 8 AM.  Well, be that as it may, today was another day of deep thoughts and questions. Aben (Abraham) as usual has to ask questions that simply stumps me. Today's being, "Mama, what is the difference between a girl and a boy?" 

Me being the chicken that I am and because I am totally unprepared to answer this question started off with girls like dolls, boys like cars... Of course the joy of sleeping in suddenly vanished, the boy has to do his bit I guess in making mornings tortuous because he interrupts and says, "No mama, I mean the body." GULP!  My mind raced, what to tell him, how much to tell him even considered going back to sleep. Well, I thought to myself, the boy has asked and it required an answer, so I explained in what best manner I could about the basic differences, of how women have breasts so that they can feed and how men have penises. Stopped the discussion there, escapism, temporary reprieve, call it what you may I admit to being a chicken here.

The point here is as a parent, these questions are bound to come, next I am sure will be procreation. How to tackle that one I wonder? Suggestions  anyone?  Or even better, can I simply refer the question to someone?

LIMITS

Marina Abramovic, a Yugoslavian Artist, born in 1946 was a well-known performance artist of her time. She is often described as "the grandmother of performance art". Her work explores the relation between performer   and audience. Her most radical and thought provoking work of art was in 1974, The Rhythm 0. She decided to test the tolerance level of the body in relation to the mind. What she really learnt with the experiment is that the body has limitless tolerance level, it is the mind that controls it. In her words, “It’s not about the body; it’s the mind who will push you to the limits that you could never imagine.” 

Her desire was to learn more about the actions of human beings, if, they had the freedom to do as they wished without fear of consequence. She decided to stand continuously for 6 hours without mobility and allow the public to do what they wanted. On a table next to her she placed 72 objects which included many tools including a knife, a pistol with a single bullet and flowers. She gave them freedom, without condition, to do whatever they desired for 6 hours and she would take whole responsibility of their actions, while she stood passively.  The initial reaction was peaceful; the people contented themselves by standing near her and watching her. But this did not last for long, after a while the public became more aggressive. They wrote vile words on her body, put flowers in her hand, kissed her, touched her. With time the aggressiveness increased, they tore her clothes, stuck rose petals on her breasts, took photographs of her in the nude and made her hold them, one even put a gun to her head, but someone intervened and took the gun from him. Even the silent flow of tears running down her cheeks did not halt the people from their acts of atrocity. Having completed the committed 6 hours, Marina moved without taking any hostile reaction toward the people. Yet, the people began to flee when Marina started walking, fearing some form of retribution.

This experience proved to the Marina that people no matter what race,  age or background are capable of heinous acts, provided the opportunity arises where no  fear of retaliation arises. If Marina had once retaliated or shown she was capable of retaliation, she probably would not have been deviled to the extent that she was. Her exploitation (for want of a better word) was more physical. But as she learnt, our minds have great capacity for tolerance and can be pushed to unimaginable limits.

We do this in our lives too. We give others the freedom to dictate to us. We do not set boundaries and this allows for us be taken for granted. Often we do this without realizing it, initially bending a bit, letting go of some trifle matter for the sake of peace, or because our consideration and regard for the person outweighs the desire to resist. Gradually, we have bend so much that we can bend no more. 

Boundaries become fuzzy, and it is taken for granted that there will be no retaliation or retribution, but just quiet submissiveness. But for each individual there will be a breaking point. Those who constantly put others ahead of themselves push those limits,more than the wiser who know their limits and set expectations accordingly, the mind often thinking the body can handle it, till the mind reaches its limits.

So like Marina so painfully and degradingly learnt, the lesson here is to set boundaries and allow only realistic expectations. The self is important, and respect for self will come from others only if we demand it, rather than be passively submissive by allowing unreasonable expectations.

Persona

Reactions

Indiscriminate love

Promises and trust

5 simple things that will help you be happy

Today I happened to read an article on what negative habits or thoughts make an unhappy person. This got me thinking about a few things. Some of the things were solitude, not broadening our horizon, not enough 'me time'.The Indian society looks down or frowns upon so many things that are so necessary that we often in our effort to conform to society do not realise that we are walking down the path that leads to unhappiness and possibly depression. So here are a few that are really common - 

Hobby 

A passion that to pursue, simply because you like doing it. It may be something that is done just for fun (like I do with writing), or something that may earn then some extra moolah (like I hope to with writing). A hobby is something that we do for ourselves, our very own personal pleasure.

Time out

We simply do not take time out for ourselves. There is the pressure of work, responsibility of a family, children have studies to do and the list goes on. Somewhere along the way we lose sight of ourselves as individuals, it ends up being, a mother or father, a daughter or a son, an employee. An individual who needs to get recharged is pushed to the background, time out with friends just laughing and talking nonsense. This is not selfish, it does not make you a bad parent or a bad child, just helps with recharge.

Travel

Travel opens our eyes to new cultures, lifestyles and most importantly new experiences. What better way to learn about the how and why of a culture than to visit the place itself. But there are always other priorities, why spend that money just to visit a place when it can be put to such better use, that extra zeros on the fixed deposit is so much better. 

Take a walk

Just a stroll in the park, or the beach early in the morning, allow the peace and quiet of the surrounding seep into you. This will calm your mind, put a better perspective on things. A time to ruminate on life, goals or even love. 

Do a good deed

This is the most important one. Strive to attempt for at least one a day. Can be as simple as a smiling greeting to the cleaner in your office, or addressing a waiter by name. We do. To realise how much difference these little things make to a person. The cleaner, waiter and such are people that we simply do not even acknowledge their presence when we see them. Small actions make big impact. 

Burdened Helpers

What about the ones who help people when they themselves are burdened?

This was a question asked to me by a friend who was going through a very rough phase in his life. To this, I simply said "We draw strength."

In our lives we are at times faced with situations where the entire balance of our life seem to be lost. A bit like trying to find a foothold in the core of a twister. Ever tried that? Trying to find a foothold in the core of a twister. This we know is not just difficult but nearly impossible. So how is it then that there are those, who regardless of what is happening in their lives are able to support and help those they love and care about.

Sometimes in life we have to put others ahead of us, simply because their need is greater than ours. Those who have experienced deep sorrows and been through tough times know what it feels like to have someone offer words of support and consolation or even maybe just a listening ear. These people know what it is like to be completely broken, and rebuild themselves from the rubble that their lives have become. The solace they got from having someone to listen to their sorrows have helped them in inconceivable ways. 

These kind of people can never ignore someone else in need. Pain teaches us really valuable lessons sometimes. Some of these lessons are quite harsh, it tells you who you can trust, who your true friends are, who are the people you can count on. But it also teaches to understand and empathize with the pain of another. To learn to understand the pain others feel and to provide comfort. 



 
  

Seize the day

Sense of danger

The dowry system - A whole new view

God created man first, truth. God created woman from the rib of a man, also true. This is what is Christianity teaches us. This is of course for those who are believers, not of Darwin, but of God and creation. My knowledge of the theory of evolution is limited,  so I do not know if Darwin established who came first man or woman. The physiological and anatomical differences between a man and woman aside, what is it that makes a man superior to a woman? This is not so across the globe mind you, just in some places where the thought process is still stuck in an age where the man went hunting and the women bore children and cooked for the man. 

India is a country where this line of thought is not only considered correct, but is also propagated. The superiority of man not that is not the caveman lifestyle. The basic issue lies with the fact that in India the male progeny is considered as a demi God. Men are always given special preference. If meat is cooked the biggest and best piece of meat is kept for the man or the son, in fact they are urged go eat before the women even and women eat whatever is left over. This of course is mildly exaggerated.  

So how then did India a country where Goddesses are worshipped more than Gods, a country where swayamvars were conducted so that the bride could choose who she could marry become a country where women became so oppressed. The dowry was paid to every girl child so that she could have financial stability after marriage. Property was always given in the name of the girl. Then, the British in their infinite misguided wisdom and misconception that they were doing what was good for the country passed a law that prohibited a girl child from owning property. Which meant that any form of wealth given to the girl child would be owned by the husband. 

The dowry system is something when discussed in western societies is a matter of ridicule. It makes places like India look like they are in some time warp. But if a message is passed on correctly this can change. More and more youngsters are refusing to accept or give dowry. This is of course a very good thing to happen, but we must understand that India is a country with a very large population. She is entrenched in beliefs and a culture that is so deep rooted that some customs simply cannot be stopped easily or quickly. The youngsters often have to give in to the demands of the the parents. But for those of you women whose parents have paid up the dowry or mehr, and for those men who have collected this gracious offering, here is a different take on this premise.

Let us go by the law of purchasing, which states that to purchase is the ability to acquire something in exchange for money or its equivalent. Once a purchase is done, the person who has paid to acquire that something gains its ownership. If we are to go by this logic, it is the woman who owns the man simply because, she has paid to acquire him. In fact in most cases it would ideally be the parents of the woman in question. So for you women and their out there who have paid this sum please note, if you or your daughters are oppressed, humiliated, demeaned or disrespected because of a sum that was paid to acquire this priceless commodity, you are the rightful owners and not the other way around. 

A commitment is a promise

Chances

Knowledge and Power

Measure of friendship

Knowledge and curiosity

B

The Haunting Cry Of A Time To Come

HWhile searching for some document that went missing, which is the uncanny ability that documents have, espescially if they are important ones, I came across a poem that I had written. By the handwriting I estimate my age to be around 13 or 14. I, at present have no recollection of ever having written it or why I wrote it. But there must have been some sense of deja vu, to so aptly put then what I am experiencing now. As i read it now, I itch to fine tune it, to tweak it. But, I am leaving it as is, the innocence of a child who probably at the time struggled to pen what she was feeling, because of the sheer weight of the emotions.

How wonderful life is when one is happy,

How sorrowful when one is sad.

The pain, the anguish, the hurt and the sorrow

Know no bounds at all.

Hurt and scarred as I am

Life no longer scares me

No longer am i terrified of living it

And no longer will I be scared of living it my way.

But then at times my mind wonders

Why is it that I should suffer?

Why should all this pain be inflicted on me?

Why should I be filled with all this pain?

I am but a little girl

A lamb in the land of wolves,

A lamb who is lost

And has none to look for her.

Unprotected as I am I survived

Inexperienced as I was I learned the ways of life

A woman in a child's body

With knowledge needed to face all.

Then at times insecurity and doubt creeps in

What if I am wrong?

Was it too late that I began to understand

Was it too late that I realised I was being used

People who smiled were becoming strangers

I knew them, yet they were unknown

Love was what I needed

Hurt and sorrow was what I got.

I am still a child, though I have grown

Trying to get what I have never known

What is it like to act as a child?

Asks one who has never been held

What is it like to feel secure?

Asks one who is so insecure

What is it like to be loved?

Asks one who has never been loved

Uncles and brothers I have many

Alas! None that loves me though

Aunts and sisters are plenty,

Hurt and sorrow they give

Is it difficult to love?

When our hearts are filled with it

Is it difficult to share?

When all have plenty?

Why then does no one love?

Why then does no one share?

Does this little child have to starve

For food only love can fill

Nancy Abraham

TIME IS PRECIOUS AND PRICELESS

IF there is one thing that we can give that is free yet invaluable, that is our time. Time is precious, time does not stand still, and it neither halts nor waits for anyone. 

A thought that came to mind today, because of a situation a friend was in. She a very young girl booked her new car, a brand new Lexus (absolutely gorgeous machine). Her excitement of owning the car was uncontainable. Was in the hospital for most part of the day as she was sick, yet when she got the call in the evening that her car was ready, she simply could not wait to collect it. The child needed a ride to the showroom and she needed someone to take her there. She contacted her sister, her best friend and a colleague asking if they could take her. All had excuses to give. Except for the colleague who had a prior commitment, both the sister and the best friend could have helped her out. Every time they needed her, she was there for them, yet when she needed them, they simply did not have time for her. 

For us each moment of our time is precious, valuable. We do not want to waste it and try to do as much as we can in the time we have. But do we show the same consideration and respect to the time others give for us? More than often not, why then is it that if our time is so important to us, we do not give the same respect to someone else’s time. There is a saying that goes something like this ….

“The greatest gift you can give someone is your time. You are giving a portion of your life you can never get back”

So if someone is giving us their time, they are giving a part of their life to us, essentially a part of themselves. If we gave a part of ourselves to someone wouldn’t we expect them to treat that part of us with care and respect? We would. If they didn’t we would be hurt and offended. Because that is something that belongs to us it has to be treated well. We forget to give the same consideration to what we get from others.

Sad though it is, this is a fact of life, and all of us knowingly or unknowingly do this at some point in our lives, in fact most of the time. If we made an effort to remember that just as our time is important to us, for others their time is important to them as well. If they have chosen to give us their time, that is because they consider us valuable to them. And if we value ourselves (as they have valued us) how can we devalue the time that someone gives us, by disrespecting and disregarding them. 

So Shaikha my love, here is one that is dedicated to you (As promised… so you can stop complaining that you are not mentioned in my blog). I am glad we got your car today. Hope that you travel long and far in it and that you have a wonderful time driving it. Drive safe! 

Equaliser

Never take anyone for granted

Infallible

Dreams vs goals